


Learning the Language

by SecretScribbles



Series: After Earth [5]
Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Gen, Iverson will never learn in this series, Keith Kibum, Lance Espinosa, Let the Good Times Roll, Shiro gets a turn this time, gibberish series, it's fun to have a punching bag that doesn't actually have feelings so I don't actually hurt anyone, it's good therapy, redemption or no, still on my phone, still unbetad, there's no end in sight
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-09
Updated: 2019-06-09
Packaged: 2020-04-23 18:03:39
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,149
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19156141
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SecretScribbles/pseuds/SecretScribbles
Summary: If anyone could help Iverson learn some weird, useless language, then it just had to be Shirogane.Shirogane was the only one to be trusted.





	Learning the Language

**Author's Note:**

> I LIIIVE
> 
> I have way too many projects and have started on at least four other stories before finishing this one I have GOT to stop doing this to myself and you guys UGH.
> 
> Anywho, I'm not quite sure when the next one will come out. I'm still unbetad and still on my phone, have mercy. This one was barely edited before I posted so if the ending seems a little rushed, that's because it was, this guy has been sitting in my docs for months and I wanted to set him free to the wild I'msosorry

  
  


Team bonding had always been important to the members of Voltron. Particularly if it made them smile. Torturing Iverson together was definitely a good source of bonding- so long as he deserved it first, of course. By then, word of Lance’s stunt with the fake language had spread to the others like a housewife gossip circle in the fifties, and everyone wanted a piece of the action. Including Shiro. So when Iverson came up to Shiro privately in his office, his pride and honor kept him in check while looking for the next available opening to attack.

 

“This ‘Gibletean’ stuff,” Iverson said, looking extremely uncomfortable. “It’s come to my attention that it may be a bit important to that little alien princess.”

 

It was no secret what Iverson was, how he viewed certain people and how he treated them. Stories of what he had done to team Voltron alone since returning had done nothing to lighten his reputation, and comments such as those only helped to further prove that Iverson was not the sort of man that any of them would like to spend more personal time with. Still, Shiro bit his tongue and offered an open expression instead if only to gage the reality of the situation. Shiro was nothing if not fair.

 

“Indeed it is, sir,” he said.

 

“Right,” Iverson gruffed, still uncomfortable as he prepared himself for his request. It was a lot easier to speak with Shiro about this because he was older, more respected and most importantly, more respect _ ful _ . Still though, it was difficult to request help to change anything. Especially after half a century of nothing but himself and his ways. “I believe it would be beneficial if I may learn some of this language as well. At least, enough to keep the politics friendly between the Garrison and the princess.”

 

“‘Friendly,’ sir?” Shiro asked, but he knew what Iverson meant. Allura had told him how impressionable her first encounter with Iverson had been. He just wanted to see if Iverson could admit it as well.

 

“My first meeting with the princess did not go like I had hoped,” Iverson admitted, and for a moment, Shiro was impressed. Until Iverson kept talking. “Seeing as she won't even try to follow our customs, I feel it's our responsibility to pick up the slack.”

 

And there it was. The real reason for Iverson’s sudden change of heart. It would be one thing if he had actually intended to learn and grow, actually wanted to strengthen the bonds between two races like he had claimed, but the truth was just too evident. Iverson was only doing this to make himself look good. To be the “better” man. Had Iverson’s reasoning been genuine, Shiro would have gladly taught the old man some Altean phrases, but the idea of it now was just a pipe dream. Whatever apprehension or guilt that was hiding in the deepest parts of Shiro’s soul was now set free to the winds as he continued on with his plan to absolutely demolish this man.

 

“How noble of you,” Shiro said, watching as Iverson puffed up in pride at the jaded praise. “I'm confused though, sir. I thought she was doing rather well with Earth’s society?”

 

Almost violently, Iverson quickly shook his head, his one good eye bulging at the thought. Then, a bit conspiratorial, he leaned in close over the desk to whisper to Shiro. 

 

“She's far too violent, have you noticed that?” Iverson asked. “Nothing like a lady. I don't understand her breed at all.”

 

Again, Shiro bit his tongue. Oh, boy.

 

“I see,” Shiro said instead, making Iverson smile.

 

“Of course you do,” Iverson chuckled, slapping a hand onto his thigh. “You're a man of reason!”

 

“Thank you, sir, that's high praise coming from you.” It took all that Shiro had in him to keep a straight face. Especially when Iverson puffed up again.

 

“You're quite welcome, my boy,” Iverson said with a grin, shaking Shiro’s shoulder as though they were old pals before leaning in to speak quietly again. “So, what do you say about that language?”

 

Finally, Shiro allowed himself to crack a genuine smile.

 

“Don't worry, sir. Leave it to me.”

 

Over the next half hour, Shiro put all of his effort into teaching Iverson one very important phrase. Any time Iverson repeated it back, Shiro would correct him with inflections, pronunciations or one slight vowel or another. By the eighth try, Iverson was becoming flustered and irritated, but Shiro was delighted with the ‘progress’ that was happening between them. Finally, Shiro stood up and slapped his metal hand over Iverson’s shoulder and grinned at the minute flinch it caused the older man.

 

“Well done, sir,” Shiro praised.

 

Before Iverson could even respond, the door to the room opened up with a cry of Shiro’s name. Lance stopped in the doorway at the sight of them, blue eyes wide after finding an extra target.

 

“Oh, sorry,” Lance said. “Am I interrupting something?”

 

“Not at all,” Shiro said, still smiling. “I was just teaching the commander here a little Gibeltean.”

 

“Oh yeah?” This made Lance light up, and he entered the room with a huge, shit-eating grin. “Good to see you reaching out, sir. You any good?”

 

Iverson regarded the boy with a cocked brow, but the praise helped to hold back his disdain, and he grinned smugly. “I think I’ll make quite the impression at the meeting tonight.”

 

“I know you will, sir,” Shiro said.

 

Lance bit down on his lip to keep from snickering and saddled up next to Shiro, offering a tablet to the man with a sparkle in his eye. “Speaking of the meeting, I thought you might like to look over the briefing notes before we head in. I made some changes to the itinerary.”

 

This made Iverson scoff out an annoyed sigh. “Why would you go and ruin a perfectly good file like that? You didn’t accidentally delete it, did you?”

 

The comment made Lance frown, but Shiro was already looking through the changes and spoke up before Lance could respond.

 

“Thank you, Lance,” Shiro said, reading through the tablet. “I like what you’ve done here. Can you make sure everyone has a copy of your updated version?”

 

“Sure thing,” Lance said, but his eyes were locked onto Iverson. His frown was still in place as he regarded the man, but when Lance shifted slightly closer into Shiro’s space, he noticed how stiff Iverson grew. Suddenly, Lance was possessed by the mischievous inner imp that camped out in his brain. The frown melted away into a smug grin as he leaned in closer to Shiro and took a deep, long sniff of Shiro’s skin. Poor Shiro was too engrossed in his reading and, quite frankly, too used to Lance’s antics to really notice or care, but oh, boy, Iverson did.

 

“Oh, man, you smell good!” Lance complimented, watching Shiro with bright, blue eyes.

 

“Well, it’s your body wash,” Shiro said, still reading and not seeing the stiffness in Iverson’s shoulders. It was no big deal if Lance had lent Shiro the use of his bathroom after construction had turned off Shiro’s hot water for the morning. It was just a kind, friendly gesture. “Thanks, by the way. You were such a big help this morning. I needed it.”

 

“No problem. You can  _ come  _ anytime,” Lance said, his grin going sensual and playful as he cocked his head to his shoulder, and tried hard not to laugh at the way his words and actions made Iverson take a step back. “So when are you going to take me to dinner?”

 

Shiro blinked, finally released from his reading to look at Lance. “I didn’t realize I was?”

 

“You totally are,” Lance said, still grinning. “It’s the gentlemanly thing to do, don’t you think?”

 

Well, this was bothersome. Shiro had said that he had owed Lance for the favor, but he didn’t realize it had meant an impromptu meal so soon. Shiro needed more of a heads up than that. He gave Lance a reprimanding glance but quickly returned to his reading with nary a thought.

 

“You know I don’t mind, Lance, but please let me know in advance next time so that I can plan accordingly,” Shiro requested.

 

Lance’s smile widened. “You got it, babe.”

 

“Alright,” Shiro breathed, content with the response. “I’ll see you later then.”

 

Lance was already backing out of the room, shooting finger guns to Shiro with a wink. “It’s a date!”

 

As the door closed, Shiro could only shake his head with a smile and a sigh. Lance was just too much, sometimes. Still, he had been very helpful, as always, and reminded Shiro of everything he had needed to take care of for the evening, so he gathered his things and the tablet Lance had left with him. It wasn’t until he had them all in his hand that he had noticed Iverson eyeing him oddly.

 

“Commander Iverson, are you alright?” Shiro asked.

 

It took a moment, and during that time, Iverson’s squint never left Shiro, but a few seconds later, Iverson conceded. “Peachy.”

 

Shiro blinked, confused, but shrugged it off to offer a smile and put on his mask again. “I think you’re ready, sir,” Shiro said with a smile. “The meeting will be starting soon. We can meet Allura there.”

 

That seemed to break Iverson free of his odd mood and he turned to leave with Shiro. “Right.”

 

\---

 

As Shiro entered the room with Iverson, most of the other department heads had already assembled, including Allura. She and the rest of the Voltron members were speaking quietly with Lance at the far end of the room, and when Shiro entered with Iverson, a grand smile split over her face. As she stepped forward to greet them, the rest of the team took notice as Shiro stayed back a few feet to watch the show.

 

“Commander,” Allura said, sweet as syrup. “How good to see you.”

 

“You as well, princess,” Iverson replied, his own smile a bit smug and condescending, but that did nothing to deter Allura as he stepped up to her.

 

“Lance was just telling me of how diligently you have been working on learning Gibeltean.” She bat her big eyes at him, completely enamored. “Is this true?”

 

Around the room, attention was brought to the conversation from the power that carried from Allura’s voice. With eyes beginning to focus on him now, Iverson couldn't help but beam at his success.

 

“Yes it is, highness,” Iverson said, squaring his shoulders. “In fact, I have perfected my first lesson specifically for you and you alone.”

 

Shiro smiled. So did the others.

 

“Really?” Allura asked, now beaming herself. “That's so wonderful to hear, I do appreciate it.”

 

“It is pretty impressive, sir,” Pidge piped up behind Allura. Grouped around her, the rest of Voltron were agreeing silently. “I know first-hand how difficult it is to speak. Have you really learned something already?”

 

“I haven't just learned it, cadet,” Iverson said. “I perfected it.”

 

Shiro had a sudden itch on his nose that forced him to look down to his shoes, biting his lip to hold in whatever noises that tried to slip out.

 

“I don't know why you're surprised, Pidge,” Hunk chipped in, placing a hand on her shoulder. “I mean, it's Iverson. He's one of the smartest men in the garrison.”

 

“Hunk’s right,” Keith agreed, smirking along with them. “This should be nothing to him.”

 

If Iverson could puff up anymore, he'd have blown up and floated away. This was so worth all the trouble Shirogane had put him through. 

 

“It's true, commander,” Allura said, taking his hand and smiling oh, so sweetly. “The fact that you took so much time out of your day to learn means so much to me.”

 

“Like they said; it was nothing for me,” Iverson boasted, gaining more confidence with even more attention on him now. 

 

“Well, I'm certainly impressed,” Coran said with a smile. “And I must say, a bit curious now that you've built us up. What do you say, commander? Could we have a little sneak peek at your lessons?” 

 

“Yeah, sir!” Lance was practically bouncing. “Go on and show us what you worked so hard on. Please?”

 

It was the ‘please’ that did it, and Lance knew it. Nothing could bolster Iverson’s ego up more than begging. Unless it was to show off. So, with a smug grin, Iverson cleared his throat and tilted his head back a bit as if to look down his nose while keeping direct eye contact with Allura. 

 

_ “Lumos expeliamos, expecto patronum. Wingardium leviosa.” _

 

Three things happened at once. First, the Alteans and each of the Voltron pilots gasped in unison. Second, a round of offended and downright scandalized expressions between the six of them. Finally, the resounding sound of a well earned slap landing across Iverson's cheek reverberated around the room, a hit so hard that he nearly turned completely around to see Shirogane still standing a few paces back, holding a hand to his mouth with wide eyes and tense shoulders.

 

The entire briefing room fell into stunned silence and watched as Allura turned up her nose to the stumbling commander and marched past him with a huff. Meanwhile, the rest of Voltron were stuck watching him with disgust as they slowly followed after. Of course, Espinosa was the first to speak, but rather than his obnoxious level of volume that usually came out of him, his voice was raspy and distraught.

 

“I knew you said that you were going to make an impression, but that was just uncalled for.” His hands were held up to his lips and chest as he walked past the commander, eyes wide and unbelieving.

 

“I thought you were better than that, sir.” Garrett looked absolutely heartbroken as he walked past as well, just a step behind Espinosa.

 

Gunderson had her arms crossed with her nose turned up like the princesses. “Wow.”

 

“What she said.” Kibum also had his arms crossed, but his scowl was straightforward as he passed by with Gunderson.

 

Slowly, the other Altean shook his head, a look of absolute disdain covered him from head to toe, and he straightened out his suit before walking past as well, muttering under his breath. “Unbelievable.”

 

Again, silence filled the room as the group left it. As soon as the door closed behind them, all eyes were back on Iverson, only this time, it wasn’t a good thing. There he stood, still stuck in place and holding a hand over his reddened cheek

 

“What in the Sam Hill-”

 

“Sir, if I may,” Shiro stepped forward with a full-body wince, holding a finger up and speaking  _ just  _ loud enough. “You pronounced it wrong. It’s ‘LeviOsa,’ not 'LeviosA.’ You basically just called her a toad.”

 

Iverson threw his hands up in complete exasperation. “Oh, for crying out loud. A toad? All that hubbub because I called her a toad?”

 

Again, Shiro winced hard enough to fold into himself. “Well, sir, the equivalent of a toad on her planet is not very favorable. They're quite ugly, overpopulated in shady areas and tend to… uselessly procreate.”

 

It took a few, long moments for the dots to connect in Iverson’s mind. He blinked slowly, lips tight and shoulders tense.

 

“Shirogane,” he started, voice low. “Are you telling me that I just called her an ugly whore?”

 

Somewhere in the room, someone gasped quietly.

 

Shiro sucked in his lips to keep from breaking, his eyes pained and watery. “I'm afraid so, sir.”

 

Iverson slapped a hand over his eyes and it took everything Shiro had not to explode at seeing his commanding officer actually facepalm in front of him.

 

“Unbelievable,” Iverson grumbled.

 

“Don’t worry, sir,” Shiro said, stepping up to him. “I’ll go talk to the princess and see if I can sort out this misunderstanding. She’s quite reasonable; it won’t take her long to forgive you once she learns the truth.”

 

“Fine, fine,” Iverson grumped, waving Shiro along. “Whatever needs to be done, just do it.”

 

“Of course, sir.” Shiro gave a salute before turning around to walk briskly out the door. 

 

Seeing a sliver of Allura’s hair through the window of the door across from him made it easy to find the group, but staying composed long enough to cross the hall was proving to be difficult.  The very instant he turned the handle, Shiro burst through the door, slammed it and the privacy shade shut and fell heavily against it to hold himself up as he bent over heaving. 

 

“I ALMOST BROKE OUT THERE, HOW COULD YOU LEAVE ME LIKE THAT?” 

 

The giggles that had filled the room before Shiro had entered returned full force as his own laughter weazed out of him, a little desperate in his need to let his composure fall away entirely. Coran was slapping his knee from his seat at the table, head down and shaking like the rest of him. Keith was holding his guts in as he threw his head back, neck exposed and smile wide with booming laughter. Hunk and Lance were leaning on each other in their own obnoxious laughter and trying to hold the other up, while Pidge had given up entirely to roll on the floor.

 

Allura was just snickering with the most satisfied smirk any of them had ever seen.

 

“I’ve wanted to do that since the moment I met him," she said proudly.

 

"I think we all have," Keith agreed, breathless.

 

Lance coughed a few times to try to regain his breath and looked to Shiro as he wiped tears away from his eyes. “Harry Potter? Really?”

 

Shiro shot up straight and pointed an accusing finger at Lance, his body still fighting with bursts of giggles and laughter. “You cannot tell me that you honestly believe that man knows  _ any  _ nerd culture." He threw his arms out into a wide shrug. "I can't come up with gibberish on the spot; it was the safest bet I had.”

 

“That makes it even better, I think," Pidge said, still gasping on the floor.

 

\---

 

The crew returned to the meeting shortly after regaining their sanity but it was hard to stay that way once they noticed the odd glares that the rest of the room were giving Iverson. Hunk had to hide his face in his arms and excuse himself with a headache.

 

Iverson, understandably, was upset by the whole thing, so once the meeting was over, Shiro stepped up to him again and suggested that Iverson learn the same way that the rest of the team had learned, and sent him to his doom in the simulator. He gave up after the klanmurl and refused to go back in again, claiming it to be a “stupid, dead language anyway.”

 

Coran still has the recordings of it.

  
  


**Author's Note:**

> I still have a few ideas to keep this bit going and two of them are already outlined (one fluffy and one political, but I'm nervous about that one, what do you think?) I think by the end of it I'll have at least ten different stories for this joke, if not more. Anybody have any requests? I'll see if I can fit them in :)
> 
> Tell me what you think and come geek out with me, I love hearing from you guys.


End file.
